“Mom loves you….”

“And I love you too, mommy….”

Tosia came to my office from a distant southern kibbutz. Had a jolty two-hour bus ride to the town. And she’s already an old woman… What brought her here?

She seemed to burst into tears right away, but instead, she got her hand into the backpack and pulled out a few plastic bags. In one of them — a slice of pita bread and a can of water. In the other, apparently, some things. And finally, she opened the third one in which an old newspaper was protectively and thoroughly packaged.

“Here you are, daughter, read, this is about me.”

“….the telegrapher Theodosia Gamiborskaya… awarded the order… selfless labor….” And a photo. Featuring the young, neatly dressed Theodosia, Tosia. With the order on her chest, wearing headphones, transmitting a message….

“And here’s something else… This is my Yan…” she points at a smiling guy in a yellowed photo. “He disappeared at the very end of the war when baby Sonia was two months old.”

We kept silent for a while.

“Daughter,” her pale blue eyes look at me with hope and supplication. “Now, you tell me, should children not” (I’m waiting — she’s searching for the right word) “…abandon their mother…eh? Is it written in your laws?”

It looks like I’m her ultimate authority. I feel that my legal aid ends there. I can’t say no to her, but the material laws won’t help here. It goes about love — between all of us.

And Tosia keeps telling… All these banal things that education is important, that Sonia got married and followed her husband, that the children have their own life, and she respects it, and that she doesn’t want to bother them for a small matter and doesn’t take offense, and that she has enough money as
her pension is already so high. And that she’ll help if they need it….

“But my heart hurts… Why don’t they ring me? Just for a minute… I may be sick. Knock on wood… After all, we lived all together before, and there was nothing to complain about. At times, we argued and then laughed… And now… Let’s take you, aren’t you the state? Can you give her a call and tell, well, your mother…” Tosia began to cry, “is missing you….”

I came up. Hugged her. And we sat like this. In silence.

“Leave it to me, Tosia. Give me Sonia’s phone number.”

We said goodbye to each other. Tosia packed up quickly and left. I don’t know whether she trusted me or not. But now, I have a heavy heart….

The mother and the grown-up daughter. Parents and adult children.

I look up on the Internet— everything is simple. It turns out to be typical. Mothers shouldn’t disturb their children; they “have no right” to interfere with the lives of their adult children. Children, in their turn, should understand that this is their own life and that they build it by themselves.

That’s how it is. We got used to it. We were raised this way, and that’s how we live now. But why does the soul hurt? Why does Tosia cry? I don’t believe in these claims! What does it mean to separate so that everyone lives his or her live?

For Jews, the family is of great value. It’s the place where we feel protected, surrounded by the care of our loved ones. It was the foundation of survival. Warmth, support, and trust have always been the best remedy for a person! Even today, we need, much more than anything else, the relationships with our nearest and dearest.

This separation, when we are overloaded with work, problems, always on edge, and our only desire is
to lock ourselves up, not wanting to see anyone, was created artificially. By the entire structure of our economic system, “industry-oriented” education aimed at raising obedient ‘cogs’ in the wheels of the state.

But how lucky we are to have the Internet and other means of communication at our disposal! Skype, WhatsApp, Telegram, wireless headphones. All this is really not just for work! The life itself gives us a chance to maintain a connection with each other!

And it doesn’t matter where we are. We can, we MUST keep in touch by all means — to not only ‘stay in touch’, but also ‘be in touch’, create this connection.

This connection is love. Love which is above problems, discord. Above ‘wants-don’t wants’.

Children make mistakes; parents get older and fail to keep pace with life. Love is beyond all this; for it, these are just circumstances — no more.

There’s another point. Family, it’s a small circle of society.

If a person hasn’t built a relationship within his or her family, with the kin, then he or she will go, without thinking, against the whole mankind. There are many such people among politicians….

The only possible way to educate children is to set a personal example. If we don’t create strong, reliable relationships with our parents — you can imagine what will happen when the children grow up….

I phoned Sonia. At first, I was talking — about how much the mother loves her Sonia. And then — she… She misses her mom very much. No other thing. Without any ‘right-wrong’. Just this is enough for us.

“I’ll call my mom,” Sonia said in a low voice. “I’ll call her right now!”

The following day, I received a call from Tosia:

“Daughter. My Sonia’s coming. Maybe, I’ll stay with her. You’re a good lawyer. Thanks.”

“I’m very happy for you.”

Life is changing, the world is changing, people are changing — and we have to learn to live under new conditions. It’s never too late to become a ‘cog’ in someone else’s system.

The family, our loved ones, the warmth between us — will always help stay ‘afloat’. Love is not labor-consuming, not energy-intensive. Love means care. It’s a question asked in a soft voice: “Well, how are you?” — and you don’t dash off headlong. To stop… To listen to the answer.

Grown-up children. Adult parents…. So, why don’t we learn to build relationships the way adult people do?… It’s worthwhile starting today — and with yourself first.

Copyright English translation Evgenia Kononova 2019